FABULOUS

light this

Thu, 01 Jun 2006 03:29:27 GMT

poseidon = really? (in a bad way)

it goes on and on and on and on..

Sun, 28 May 2006 18:05:45 GMT

sorrow. and weaping.

me and my baby and a good friend were just watching one of my old dance tapes from my competition years. i love watching old dance tapes! but theres a problem. you see when i was in high school i was pretty fuckin awesome, i was one of the best at my dance studio, and i'm still not afraid to say that. BUT.. since being at college i've been knocked down a few levels, and my ego has shrunk greatly. i sometimes have self esteem issues, and i don't always have the most confidence in myself. when i watch my old dance tapes i feel the same things i did then. i was fierce. so i get cocky when i watch my tapes and i say a lot of things that are probobly rude and very big-headed. it's just nice to remember what it felt like to be untouchable. and i miss that. basicly the people i watched the tapes with were pretty annoyed with me by the end.. and i felt stupid which sucks. sorry guys. it's just nice to remember things like that.

let me also state this: as of right now i am a mad man. i am shaking and i'm nto sure whats going on. last night we went to a nice gathering and got pretty damn retarded. we didn't sleep.. and then i went to wesley's show this morning. i drank a lot of coffee. and i feel CRAZY. my friends are just tierd and grumpy and annoyed at life. i, on the other hand, want to watch more dance tapes and feel good about myself once again.

listen.. this is not a pity party for kyle. i'm just stating some things that i feel, and that others may feel as well sometimes.

what the fuck is going onl;'qmtrw

4.. 3.. 2.. 1..

Thu, 25 May 2006 17:46:22 GMT

so whats going on with livejouranl these days? i rememeber when i use to come on to good ol live journal.. and comment to all my friends.. and join groups.. and meet new people.. does that still happen? i'm sure it does..

well anyway.. i'm pretty happy with life at the moment. i haven't really done anything since school was over. wes does his shows in the morning.. and i just kinda sleep in.. every few days a venture out into oakland and go to blockbuster. it's a pretty good time. theres not really any dancers in pitt right now.. at least none that i know of.. but theres a lot of musical theater majors here for the may shows! i mean i'm a big fan of musical theater majors.. and really i enjoy all of them! but ever now and then i just want to talk about doug bentz. ((tracy hurry back to me))

maybe today i'll do shit.. but.. what is there to do?!

with a little help from my friends

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 21:55:21 GMT

it's almost 5pm now.. i haven't left my appartment yet and i don't plan on doing so today. i was excused from all classes.. by my mommy. there was a death in my family. i've never had someone close to me die before.. but now i kinda understand what all those people have gone through that have. i'm not crying, i've done enough of that for now. i just feel out of my body.. almost like i'm not awake. but i'm calm. and ok.

i think it's very ironic how the best thing thats ever happened in my life has collided with the worst thing. if i didn't have contact right now i would be a complete mess. everyone has been great, everyone who knows. it's not that i'm keeping a secret.. i just don't want it to be a big deal. and i know the people that read this either already know.. or just aren't going to make a fuss.

i wish i was better with words. theres so many things i want to say.. i just don't always know how. contact has changed my life.. and everyone involved in the show has too. i love every single one of them. i just wish i could tell them how important they all are to me. the show really is amazing.. it's changed my mind set on my career and life.. i'm going to die when it's over. i feel like i'll be empty. how am i going to deal with everything when i can't just go back to contact?

two songs are on my mind right now. both from the same cd by the same artist. "with a little help from my friends" and "better all the time" (i'm nto gonna lie those might not be the actual song titles!) by the beatles. since the begining of contact those two songs have been on my mind, just because they've described my life for the past two months. and they continue to do so. even with all of this that has just happened.

my grandfather is gone forever. he went peacfully, and i know it was his time, which is why i'm ok. he lived a good life. he did what he wanted. he said fuck everyone. he was a wonderful man. and i know he still wants me to continue with the show. and i will.

this performance, and all that come after, are for you grandpa. i love you.

chip and dale

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 09:08:33 GMT

i hate how everyone at this school is right. everyone told me to watch out, and stay away but i didn't. it's not that he's a bad person.. he just can't give me what i want. i do realize this, but it's hard when you like someone this much to just let it go. but i know i need to.

just back off kyle. don't pursue. don't flirt. just back off.

let him ruin all those other peoples lives now..

collide

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 21:33:43 GMT

i haven't been online in about 2 months. i do not miss it. there has been so much less drama. i'm not really sure why.. but it's true. and i love it.

so i'm in this show called contact.. and it's awesome.. best experiance of my life.. you should all come see it! feb 22nd - march 5th.. i think!

love life is kind of a mess.. theres a boy who i like.. but thats always dramatic here at point park.. he's a pretty special guy.. and i think it would be great.. if we could get over commitment issues.. trust issues.. etc.. this weekend i think i'm going to ask him if he wants to be my valentine. maybe give him a flower.. yeah we'll see.. hehe

ok.. life is wonderful. and thats it.

yay!

death of rock.

Sun, 18 Dec 2005 04:34:30 GMT

it's my last night in pittsburgh. i haven't been home for more then 4 consecutive days since last winter break. and now 3 weeks? it's going to be rough. i just can't beleive this semster is really over. it was a terrible semester. and what sucks is that i feel like i'm leaving right in the middle of something big. i'm not leaving satisfied, happy, excited or anything else.. i'm just leaving. for a month. i don't know a home other then pittsburgh anymore. it's where i've grown up. it's where i spent my summer. it's where i met the love of my life, 3 times. it's where my best friends are. i have an appartment in pittsburgh. thats where i live. why should i leave? for a month.. fuck.

ok. bring it, home..

yet again.

Tue, 13 Dec 2005 05:27:38 GMT

am i more then you bargained for yet? i've been dieing to tell you anything you want to head.. cause thats just who i am this week.

your just a line in a song..

i did it again. kyle is an ass hole. broke another heart. hurt another nice boy. it's kinda like a hobby for me apparently. what does it take to be happy? how far can we really go? whatev. i'm fuckin happy. and i'm ok with everything else..

i'm sure i'll cry about all this later.. and write a depressing entrie.. but at least i can look back at this one and say.. yeah.. i was a bad ass..

everybodies talkin

Sun, 11 Dec 2005 21:02:05 GMT

cinderella is over. no more pink tights. no more mazurka. no more costume issues. no more smoke breaks. no more washing my hands for the fun of it. no more eye liner. no more blush. no more breaking out. no more drama.

it's soooooo hard to do what you actually want to do. i've always felt like everyone should always do whatever it takes to make themselves happy.. that kinda sounds selfish when i type it out like that.. but whatev.. but what if it hurts other people? and makes them unhappy? what will they have to do to become happy again? where do we draw the line of what we do to be happy? i'm happy now. but i think i could be happier. drama. fucking drama. thats what prevents us from being completly happy. because if we do exactly what we want to do, other people get jealous.. and talk shit about you. and i would totaly be ok with people talking about me.. but it's hard when you see them everyday in class and rehearsal..

what do you do? honestly?
it's hard. it's hard to be happy..
and exhausting.

sex search.com

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 16:06:39 GMT

the semester is over. i went to my last class this morning.. i'm done.. i have 4 more shows and then a week to do nothing but hang with the people i love most!! horray!! this has been the worst semester ever.. so much shit happened. i mean some good things did come of it.. but most of it sucked.

yesss.. next semester WILL rock. i've alraedy been casted in contact.. i don't have classes on fridays.. i only have 3 dance classes.. ugh i can't wait!! yay!!

fabulous

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 19:57:11 GMT

i don't own emotion.. i rent

green peppers

Wed, 23 Nov 2005 02:46:56 GMT

the past few days have been quite good. i sleep until early afternoon.. and then get shit done around oakland wtih tracy.

(((ps we found the bestest most cutest hair salon ever!! daniel co. gave me the best hair cut ever!! and they'er all sooo nice!! so everyone that lives in pittsburgh should go!)))

anyway.. so anyway my days have been full of getting things done, watching movies, and laying around the house playing boggle. i haven't smoked in a few days. it feels kinda good. i have no money.. but life is good! me and tracy have been getting uber close again. and whitney = love. i'm very excited about our huge thanksgiving fiest that we're planning. although so far they'er doing everthing.. which is fine by me! ..rent comes out tomorrow.. and i'm also very excited about that. this has been a good week so far! and i feel as though it will just get better.

it's nice having a smile on your face!

ok.

Sat, 19 Nov 2005 22:41:22 GMT

i'm almost there. i'm almost totaly happy. my last few entries are kinda dramtic.. but thus is life. ive just been so confused.. but i think i'm figuring it out.

wes.. i'm sorry for being and ass hole.
bruce.. i'm sorry for being obsessed

i have a boyfriend. and i like him, a lot. i thought i wasnt over the two above boys. but i've come to terms that no one will ever be over any ex. and if it's ment to be then it will be. but i'm happy right now. and thats all that really matters.

ok.. we're good..

1 year

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 22:18:43 GMT

today is november 17th.

last year at this time was possibly the best itme of my life. i would have never admitted it before. but i will now. better then april.. well not better.. different. nothing is ever better. just different.

i kinda want last year back. well.. at least the feelings. i was soo happy. i've grown up so much since then.. i've grown up so much since april.. fuck.. i've grown up so much since yesturday. my mind keeps changing along wtih my feelings. one thing stays constant.. but the one thing sucks a lot.. ill never get him back. i don't deserve him. no one does though. hes awesome.

ps.. i'm so over that god-like person that i dwelled on all summer. really.

cock it

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 15:39:48 GMT

it's 10:37 am and my jazz class started at 10. my alarm went off.. i hit snooze.. then i decided that i could skip today. why would i do that? i do that all the time now. i never want to go to class. i have good classes! i'm learning.. i just don't always care. i feel like i shouldn't do that.. i shouldn't not care. damn you kyle. damn you.

hands

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 17:13:10 GMT

ok. so you know how sometimes you complain about things but their really not that important but you still talk about it all the time and stuff. and then you know how sometimes you really have a problem and your not just talking but no one really cares because you always complain. kind like the little boy who cried wolf. yeah.

so how can we tell the difference from when someone really needs help and when someone is just talking because they enjoy the sound of their voice?

because of you..

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 23:08:50 GMT

theres really nothing i can do about anything right now. i fucked it up.. no second chances.. super sucks. i've realized that i blame a lot of shit on boys.. i've also realized that none of these boys i blame have ever done anything hurtful or mean to me. ever. i've always been the bitch. every time.. i've broke-up, ruined, cheated, and hurt every person i've ever really loved.

ok.
i've figured it all out.

so why don't i feel better? i still have pains, actual pains, throughout my chest and arms. anxiety i guess? all i want to do is say sorry. and grovel a bit. and possibly get a second chance? well as many of my friends have told me, second chances don't happen. fuck that. why can't things work out? ever? because they really don't..

the best part about this whole entry is that no one knows who the fuck i'm talking about anymore. boys. all of them. i miss them..

Mon, 07 Nov 2005 21:32:50 GMT

and with this.. i restart the live journal experiance.

everything is different now. but nothing has changed. i'm not going to censor my entries. fuck you. i am not rebelling. i'm going to say what i want to say. i'm not making it friends only. the rude comments from the anonymous bitches make me chuckle. i'm a conceded little prick, and i know your all just jealous. thats all. i <3 live journal.

from northern nights

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 06:22:30 GMT

thinking.. thinking.. thinking.. thats all i've been doing lately. i mean i guess i dance sometimes.. not very often though, not REALLY. thinking.. thinking.. i'm over it. i guess.. whatev.

wake me up..

Mon, 12 Sep 2005 05:00:38 GMT

today was september 11th. that really fucking sucks. like i know everyone posted shit about it.. but honestly.. 4 years ago today.. yeah.

school has been great. great friends. great parties. great sex. just great in general.

the love life is typical. called him the other night.. cryed about it.. never gonna be over it. hearing his voice was the most amazing thing ever. and i still think that he may feel the same way.. call it stupid hope.. but i guess we all need some hope. i don't mean to sound like a stupid slut.. but i could have my pick of so many boys.. to fuck or date. but i don't want any of them. i fucking miss him. bleh..

i don't know what else to say right now. i'm fucked up a lot.. like drunk.. and high.. i get high a lot.. i'm not sure how i feel about that.. hhm.. we'll see.

intro

Wed, 24 Aug 2005 03:45:17 GMT

me and tracy are just sittin here watchin QUEER AS FOLK. this is the best show ever. tracy agrees. i just recently got into the show when i borrowed the 1st season from a friend. i fucking love this show. i'm only on season 2 episode 15. ugh i love this show.

ugh i'm such a fag!

just in case you forgot about me..

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 16:22:44 GMT

GENERAL
[Marital Status] Single
[Shoe size] 9.5
[Parents still together] not since before 1st grade
[Siblings] 1 brother.. jake, 29
[Pets] my cat, trixy, back home!

FAVORITES
[Color] green
[Number] 13
[Animal] giraffe
[Drinks] mountain dew & hazelnut latte from starbucks :)
[Soda] dew..
[Book] umm right now i'm reading 'queer stories for boys' ..yeah i got real gay over the summer..
[Flower] iris

DO YOU
[Color your hair?] i've been known to do the egyption plum thing from time to time..
[Twirl your hair?] not enough to twirl!
[Have tattoos?] not yet...
[Have Piercings?] nope..
[Cheat on tests/homework?] only usually..
[Drink/Smoke?] hardcore.. both.. rarr..
[Like roller coasters?] eh..
[Wish you could live somewhere else?] of course.. irmo south carolina..
[Want more piercings?] ..questions like this are dumb..
[Like cleaning?] no.
[Write in cursive or print?] i don't even remmeber cursive!
[Own a web cam?] no.. i am not total trash.. yet
[Know how to drive?] i do.
[Own a cell phone?] of course.
[Ever get off the damn computer?] not recently!

HAVE U EVER
[Been in a fist fight?] nope
[Considered a life of crime?] no..
[Considered being a hooker?] you have no idea..
[Lied to someone?] yeah, who hasn't
[Been in love?] ugh..
[Made out with JUST a friend?] o i make out with a lot of 'friends'
[Been in lust?] more often then not
[Used someone] definetly..
[Been used?] probobly..
[Been cheated on?] no no no
[Kicked someone in the nuts?] possibly my brother when i was a young one..
[Stolen anything?] yeah
[Held a gun] noooo

CURRENTS
[Current clothing] pj shorts and thats it!
[Current mood] pretty chill..
[Current taste] oreo's!
[What you currently smell like] ummm.. my.. bed?
[Current hair] bed head.. i'm hott
[Current thing I ought to be doing] shower
[Current cd in stereo] ummmm no sterio in this room? but i'm listening to 'the freshman' by verve pipe..
[Last book you read] umm i don't read much..
[Last movie you saw] willy wonka.. i'm behind..
[Last thing you ate] oreo's!
[Last person you talked to on the phone] lauren clay
[Do drugs?] ..like.. i mean..
[Believe there is life on other planets?] sure! why not..
Remember your first love?] yes yes..
[Still love him/her?] i don't think you ever fall out of love.. unfortunetly!
[Read the newspaper?] ha! no..
[Have any gay or lesbian friends?] i do actually! many many many
[Believe in miracles?] i would like to think
[Do well in school?] i do well in my dance classes!
[Wear hats] eh... very rare
[Hate yourself?] noooooo.. i rock!
[Have an obsession?] southern strutt.. mountain dew.. me!
[Collect anything?] scarves.. and giraffe things..
[Have a best friend?] miss tracy groth
[Close friends?] i would like to think i have many
[Like your handwriting?] umm i don't hate it..?
[Care about looks] definetly

LOVE LIFE
[First crush] i feel like it was kayla brace.. preschool.. she broke my heart
[First kiss] i really don't remember!
[Do you believe in love at first sight?] it's totaly possible
[Do you believe in "the one?"] yes
[Are you a tease?] yeahhhhh
[Too shy to make the first move?] HA!! no.

ARE U A
[Daydreamer] yes yes.. to often
[Bitch/Asshole] ummm yeah. i guess
[sarcastic] nooooooooooooo! (aka: yeah)
[Angel] i can pretend!
[Devil] i wouldn't say that..
[Shy] hell no.
[Talkative] yeahhh kinda hehe

it's time

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 16:28:23 GMT

i've decided to get back in the lj scene. i've posted some pointless lyrics and quizes throughout the past months.. but i'm ready to come back now. just don't tell my space i'm cheating on it..

i had a terrible summer. i was only happy when i was dancing. i had never been to depressed. i drank and smoked all the time.. along with abusing a few other substances. but i got out of all that shit fast. but now everyone is coming back for school to start, and it's a good time! i'm moving into my new place on thursday, and i'm very excited about that. school starts a week from today.. and i'm also very excited about that!

i'm not gonna lie.. i'm not over what happened at the begining of the summer. but now the people i love most are here, and we can sit around and complain about it all the time, getting drunk off our asses.

that felt good..
i <3 lj!

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 16:18:04 GMT

You scored as You're Maureen's Cowbells!. You\'re a diva seeking recognition and fame! You tend to take credit for things other people do, but your intentions are good. Just don\'t forget to appreciate those around you!

</td>

You're Maureen's Cowbells!

89%

You're Collins' Cap'n Crunch!

75%

You're Mimi's Pants!

75%

You're Mark's Camera!

53%

You're Angel's Plastic Pickle Tub!

50%

You're Joanne's Cell!

47%

You're Roger's Guitar!

33%

You're Benny's Sunglasses!

What Object from RENT Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

pegs

Sat, 20 Aug 2005 05:59:10 GMT

celebrate we will
cause life is short but sweet for certain

..things we cannot change..